An Open Letter to Arby’s
Dear Arby’s,
You make delicious food. Some people judge me because I enjoy your cornucopia of curly fries and roast beef sandwiches. But I have stood strong in my affinity towards your menu. I do, however, pose one suggestion that might help you in your endeavors to conquer the fast food market. Specifically, a suggestion that would improve the efficiency of your drive-thru system.
I would strongly suggest that you consider shuffling the work responsibilities of some of your employees. While they are all very hard-working individuals, some of them have attributes that are best suited for specific aspects of your business. Some of them have qualities that do not mesh well with all of your ordering and food service options. I am referring specifically to the kindly gentlemen at my nearby location that has quite a pronounced and severe stutter.
He was an excellent employee and brought me my food in a most satisfactory manner. However, he is probably not the best candidate of yours to be taking orders for the drive-thru. While he was very jovial, there seemed to be a bit of a language barrier that was difficult to overcome. A standard drive-thru speaker is difficult enough to translate without the help of various Rosetta Stone CD-ROMs. When coupled with this gentleman’s unfortunate speech impediment, clearly deciphering ordering instructions and Arby’s current menu specials had become quite the task. And before you question my inherent intelligence or ability to recognize and follow speech, keep in mind that I performed very highly on my reading comprehension and English sections of my ACTs. I think this stands as a testament to my ability to comprehend and interpret the subtle nuances and complexities of the English language. Even when masked behind the electronic scrambling of a talking fast food menu. So I propose to you that this particular employee might be better suited for a different area of the operations that do not include talking through a kazoo into a speaker system developed by IBM in 1974. That is all.
I hope this suggestion finds you in good spirits. Please give my regards and well wishes to the employee in question and continue to provide the highest quality fast food roasted meats that $5.95 can buy.
Sincerely,
Ryan
