Obama Orders Quizno’s to Close. Wait, I Mean Gitmo.
As everyone probably knows. New President/US Weekly Cover Boy Barack Obama ordered Gitmo to close yesterday. Sure this is significant for many reasons. But one reason is that detainees might be moved to Leavenworth, KS. Which is just in my backyard. (Yes, I bought a starter home on the front lawn of a federal penitentiary. Needless to say, I keep my dog in the front yard to avoid Michael Vick.) I will have to say that this might be a good move. Waterboarding is frowned upon, but living in Leavenworth is certainly torture enough. But I’m sure they’ll have no problem finding 72 guys that will convince them they’re virgins.
Yeah, this one was kind of phoned in. Quick, Pete Wentz! Say something sad!
