High School Summer Reading Flashback
Recently Whitney and I had an interesting gmail conversation about high school English books that we never read. I rarely finished a book assigned to me. Mainly because when I was 16 the only literature I was interested in was a beat up magazine copy of Barely Legal.
1. Catcher in the Rye
Whitney: All I remember is some part where a kid runs through corn off a cliff (maybe?)
Ryan: I think I didn’t read it cause I got a few pages in and realized it wasn’t about baseball. I blame Matt Christopher’s “Catcher with a Glass Arm”
2. The Grapes of Wrath
Whitney: I actually read the end of this one because some God Squad girl in class complained about the boobs. No clue about the rest.
Ryan: It sounds like the worst Welch’s flavor ever.
3. The Great Gatsby
Ryan: The Great Gatsby just sounded boring. I don’t think I was ever even made to read it. Needs more dragons and monster trucks in the title.
Whitney: You’re right. It’s a chick book.
4. Of Mice and Men
Whitney: I think there’s a special needs person in this one. I bet a girl gets raped.
Ryan: And Sean Penn hasn’t won an Oscar for the film adaptation?
Whitney: Or Gary Sinise?
Ryan: Don’t forget DiCaprio, Hanks, Dustin Hoffman.
Whitney: So if we made it into a movie it would star Sean Penn, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gary Sinise, Tom Hanks, Dustin Hoffman… and probably Morgan Freeman.
Ryan: Probably. It all depends on the number of mentally challenged roles available. And in Freeman’s case: wise, old men.
Whitney: I seriously have a feeling this one is on a farm…
Ryan: Yeah, there was a bad SNL sketch this year with the new, fat-guy cast member. There was wheat and baby-talk.
5. To Kill a Mockingbird
Ryan: I’ve seen the movie. I’ve seen Capote where Katherine Keener is Harper Lee and she talks about it. So I know the plot. I just never became a fan of reading all the words. Or reading anything but MAD Magazine.
Whitney: I read this one. There’s definitely a rape in this one. And Boo Radley, which might be my firstborn’s name.
Ryan: Interesting idea. Apparently rape = literary praise. I look forward to Mike Tyson’s next book.
Whitney: I totawy waped dis one giwl in da feewd. And den… da sun set.
Ryan: I think you over estimate his spelling ability.
6. A Lesson Before Dying
Whitney: Why do I associate this with Don Cheadle?
Ryan: I’m struggling to find a book that I did read. Was Scary Stories 2 on our reading list?
7. Lord of the Flies
Whitney: I read this. It’s like Survivor: British Nancies
Ryan: I saw a Simpson’s episode about it. Milhouse was accused of stealing food and was beat up or something. You know what? I bet he was raped.
Whitney: Lord of the Flies was at the Coterie Theatre when we were freshman, and all of the kids in it were local. It was like watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in KC, but the Fab 5 was still in the closet.
Ryan: What is it about playing kids onstage that makes one prance just a little more. Lord of the Flies, Peter Pan, Oliver Twist…
8. In Cold Blood
Ryan: It gave us Kansans someone to fear more than Darwin.
Whitney: SHHHH! We do not speak his name!
Ryan: Oh, sorry. I heard the real killer was Quantril.
9. Slaughterhouse Five
Whitney: Sounds way too violent for the Shawnee Mission School District.
Ryan: It had something to do with Germans and one of the World Wars. It sounds awesome. It sounds like there should be a character named Hans Van Slaughter.
10. The Once And Future King
Ryan: I have no idea what this book is, or if it even exists.
Whitney: It exists, because I failed the test sophomore year of high school. No multiple choice on that one.
Ryan: The king was a) Once b) Future c) All of the Above?
