The Vegas Recap
I’m sorry this took so long. I was waiting on someone (ahem, Dan) to send me their story and he never did. So lets discuss the ridiculousness of our Vegas trip. Well, actually it was probably tame by most standards considering we had a DEA agent staying in our room. (That’s no joke. He’s in the DEA.) Do you know how hard it is to walk around that city in 105 degree heat with a balloon of heroin in your ass? I went through so much baby powder to counteract the sweat.
Day 1:
The members of Room Awesome appeared at MGM to discover they had been upgraded to a ridiculous suite with a huge patio and hot tub on the 27th floor. We were totally the guys that didn’t need to be in a room that nice. We didn’t use it to really impress anyone. In fact, 90% of the women we actually brought up there were simply exhanging our towels or delivery Mama Ilardo’s pizza.
So we decided to break in the suite by buying massive amounts of cheap beer and inviting Room Not Awesome over for some beverages. Already, Damen and Oppold have had entirely too many Bartles and James. Between Damen using high school insults and Oppold putting 2 rap songs on iPod repeat, I swear to god I thought we were sneaking beers from our parents’ basement.
After that, we showered up and headed to the gentleman’s club. On the way I licked the stripper pole in the party bus as a joke. I immediately regretted it and now everything I eat tastes like astro-glide. Aside from Nate spending his mortgage payment on lap dances, nothing too crazy happened. We did witness the most awkward lap dance of all time. And I will withhold the name of the individual to protect their pride. I’ll just say that the only other place a man should look that uncomfortable is at the proctologist’s office.
Day 2: Knights of the Wet Republic
So 5 of us decide upon waking up on Saturday to go to Wet Republic (party pool) at MGM and get a table. If you’re unfamiliar with Wet Republic just picture a rap video with more white girls. It was ridiculous. For some unknown reason, it took us all day to convince the other 10 people to join us. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure Oppold and Thompson chose to spend their day in a back poker room with 50 year old dudes clutching plates of chili fries like it was their parachute cord. Sorry you two, but while you were counting your chip stack…we were gazing at women that were simply stacked. (Zing!)
It was unbelievable and if our waitress is out there…call me??? I will say that I have never felt so out of shape in my entire life. Like, I get it…I am out of shape, but that was just shameful. Also, I didn’t realize so many Samoan Tribesmen were from New Jersey. At least that’s what the tattoos would lead you to believe.
After that, we drank at the hotel for a little while. Sean puked down 27 stories. Most people took naps or hung around the casino when the sun went down. Dan got his stomach motorboated like a baby. Sometime afterward, Kevin decided to re-decorate the room with chicken bones and ranch dressing. (And then sleep in it) A sin was committed in a hottub and someone almost defiled a pizza box.
Day 3: Checkout
Spent the entire day roaming around the strip waiting to go to the airport. Ideas that were had that didn’t come to fruition:
- Getting a caricature done of 5 of us as a wedding present to Brian and Julie
- Dan and I getting a caricature as centaurs.
- Getting Warrick Davis (Willow) to take a picture of us.
Eating Ice Cream- Having an 80s rock dance off for money in front of Planet Hollywood
After that was just the funniest plane ride of all time. Fuck that bitch in front of me for yelling about me kicking the chair.
- Ryan
