Guest Commentary from Nate
Saving Babies, Sports Books and 27th floor observations:
First thing, I would like to thank one Mr. Ryan Robert Standefer for giving me a forum to formulate thoughts, bitch and moan, and make observations about people that aren’t as good as me (I kid I kid). Without Ryan and all those Super Bowl Go Daddy commercials I would be stuck sending text messages.
So in case nobody has been paying attention, a group of us went to Las Vegas this past weekend. And in case nobody notices for the next couple of weeks, we are all completely broke. Some of us lost money gambling, some spent their money on booze, I however made the decision to spend my money saving babies.
You might ask yourself, “Nate that doesn’t sound like you? Why would you go to a town full of debauchery and decide to save babies?” Well, patience my friend the answer is forthcoming.
It isn’t a secret that ALL strippers are med students just trying to get their bills paid. The strippers in Las Vegas are no exception, bc as we all know the UNLV med school is one of the top institutions in the country. Well folks I took it upon myself to go ahead and overdraft my bank account, max out my credit card and have to take money out of my wife and I’s joint account to cover my various tabs. I call it philanthropy. My friends called it retarded and I believe my wife called it, “*%$&*&#$@” whatever that means. So I like to think that my money was spent on women that will eventually become pediatricians and save babies. You can thank me later.
Other observations:
1) When your friends tell you to “just wait for (insert name here) he will be right out” tell them to piss off and they can wait for them. This is how you end up spending an extra 300 dollars, 2 hours and end up walking nine miles back to the hotel. Also, it is impossible to find somebody in a pre-med study hall (a.k.a. the strip club). They make these places so you CAN’T find somebody.
2) If anybody has ever wondered what puke sounds like going over a railing off the 27th floor of a hotel room, it sounds a lot like it going into the toilet. The difference is watching it fall those 270 ft. onto (hopefully) somebody on their way to see Cirques De Sole. I would like to thank Sean Blume for this scientific research and the required testing.
3) It is hard to go to the sports book when every team you cheer for sucks. You can’t even bet on ISU to win the National Championship. Do you know how sad that is? I can bet which “manly” looking stripper Alex Rodriguez will plow next but, not if the Iowa State Cyclones will win the National Championship. For the sake of my sanity, I will not discuss the Chiefs.
4) I hope those little Mexican girls have a formula for getting ranch dressing out of carpet.
Thank you everybody (anybody????) for your time. If you would like to donate to my new philanthropy you can send a check to Future Baby Saviors: c.o. Tahlia Riley, P.O. Box 1234, KC, MO 64114. Your donations will be appreciated.
