Classic Ryan Blog 2
Today is a 2 for 1 sale. And yes, I realize how highly I think of myself when I refer to old blogs as “classic.” But I think many of you underestimate my literary prowess. Why, just last week a local high school English teacher added “Signs of Fall in KC” by yours truly to the summer reading list. Its social impact lies somewhere between The Great Gatsby and a Bazooka Joe comic.
Dear Gary Glitter,
I miss your rock and roll stylings. I miss the fact that you are macho enough to use a stage name that is so obviously homosexual. I’m sure you had no idea that those girls in Vietnam were underage. (seriously, he’s in jail for that) I am sure you learned your lesson after your first two child pornography charges. This conviction was an atrocity and I look forward to your acquital and release. Because when you get out I know you’re going straight to work on that rock opera I’ve been waiting for. It will certainly put “Tommy” and “Dark Side of the Moon” to shame. Every time I go to a football game, I am reminded of you. (Da Da Da Da Da…..HEY!!! Da Da Da Da.) I am reminded that you are a far superior talent than the current batch of emo rockers. You don’t have to cut yourself in the bathroom to write a good song. You don’t need to fill albums with ten songs about some girl that dumped you in seventh grade. No sir, to this day, you’re breaking the hearts of seventh grade girls everywhere. At the same time, you break many sexual codes, laws, and statutes. The only inspiration you need for a hit single is a six pack of Zima, Teen Cosmo, and hours upon hours of secretly taped, 5th grade girls volleyball games. You sir, are an inspiration to the creepy uncles, the creepy english teachers, and that creepy, old drunk that hangs out in back of movie theaters after a 6 o’clock screening of “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” Keep fighting the good fight and don’t let those bullies in prison beat the hell of you, you, you, you you you!
Sincerely,
Ryan Standefer
